"Life
as I see It" - Recollections in Fire
Randy Burns
The fire burned pleasantly.
I sunk deeply into the soft chair and closed my eyes, but only for a moment. When
I opened them, images, vivid as the present flames, kept my eyes riveted to the
fire. They were scenes returning memories from long ago. Taken by surprise, I
watched my past play before me like a movie. Some scenes were funny, some sad,
but all were interesting in a way I couldn't immediately comprehend.
Hard times traveling with
great people, fine music playing everywhere and all the time. Unusual sparkling
women and forgotten lovers, I saw it all in the fire. I believed the burning
visions, I believed they were living in my heart. Lost songs sang as wooden
flames remembered me. Who was I to be so blessed?
False melancholy, a sorcerer's
trick? After all, fire was involved. I'd always walked briskly when good fortune
came, so I walked briskly again. Without question or twice-thought, I placed
my holy trust upon the honesty in that fire. Why would it lie to me?
Comfortable, the images
in the fire remained only as long as I wanted. Anything annoying could be changed
at will. I'd think of something else and the fire would take me there.
Too easy and addictive,
damn it! This was not what I wanted.
A glossing over of my past.
Pictures saved, not thrown out. This was meant for entertainment only.
I didn't want the trick.
The in and outs, the ability to push bad scenes aside and move on to good ones,
that was not how it happened. The time was not real that was the problem. The
characters and actions hit their mark, but what happened to my life between
these moments? I'd chosen my favorites. The approaches and exits to these past
life editions, where had they gone? Were they lost forever?
I had to stop, it was|too
enticing. My past in a light unfair to the integrity of its episodes. I had
to catch myself. Hell, I had to force myself to leave with the fire still burning,
or reconsider the validity of my past.
Is there any entertainment
worth that price?
Time fucks with actualities,
though It fucked with mine in a polite and comfortable way. It meant no harm,
really. It knows what it has to do to you and how unfair that will seem. It
attempts to sweeten your past a little. So what? Could that be time feeling
guilt? Compassion? Whatever the answers, always keep up with your past.
Or through time's eyes you'll
remember it.
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